Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
