Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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