my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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