drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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