I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
