Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize