Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize