i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
