I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
