I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize