I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
