I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
