Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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