Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
