you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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