Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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