you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
