Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
