You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When are your genitals available?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
