Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
