is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
