Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
