She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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