My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we should paint friendship bongs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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