So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
