my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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