oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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