You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
