I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
