white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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