im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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