saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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