Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
