It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
