So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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