We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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