You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
