I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
