Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
