Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
