you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
