Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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