I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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