I will die if light touches me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
