well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
