Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
