my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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