I wish I could teleport
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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