do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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