State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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