DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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