When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
