Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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