New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
