my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
