So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
