Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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