I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
