i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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