Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
