I don't think brook has ever known best
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
