This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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