She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
