Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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