FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize