meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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