You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
