You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
