woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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