how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
