the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
