Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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