my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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