i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize