Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
