Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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