I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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