He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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