Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
