easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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