ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
