I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize