I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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