please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
