I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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