Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
