Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
