I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
