worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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