"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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