Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
