the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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