ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
