I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
