My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize