By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He felt like a one man threesome
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
