Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
