I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
