Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
