MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
