fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
