I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
