He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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