You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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