Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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