Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
