you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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