what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
