but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont even know how to be here
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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