it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Watching her eat just hurts me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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