Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
