I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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