Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
