I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
