Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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